I feel like I'm drowning in the constant fear of going nowhere. It's getting problematic and I can't just lie back and let myself float in calmness and surround myself with the feeling of peace. I should probably take up the mindfulness app again.
My friend asked me once "What are you doing now?" Everyone is at uni, or has something to occupy their time. I have nothing. I keep searching then being pushed back and I'm fed up with it. I have nothing to say except, "Well, I did have this job..." And knowing deep inside that it won't sustain me long enough to feel like I've achieved something in my life.
But it's so hard trying to move forward, like I'm playing a game of stuck in the mud with my future, and the only way I can get free is if an opportunity comes along and frees me. Friends and family are constantly trying to support me, I'm grateful, but they're too far ahead on the path, and I'm still waiting for someone on my team to free me.
I suppose you could compare it a coffee brewing. There has to be a positive to that really, because you have to be patient. You've grounded the coffee, put it in the brew and you have to wait until it's ready. That's probably my future, and I have to be patient in myself and what's to come. But in reality I'm just bored out of my head.
Can someone just free me and pour the coffee please?
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